It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
