Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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