Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
