btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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