If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
