We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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