I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
