someone threw a dead crab at me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
