the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
