dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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