Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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