i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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