i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
