he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
