She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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