It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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