I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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