watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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