I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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