we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
