I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
