Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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