therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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