So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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