her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
