I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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