allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
