How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
