There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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