So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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