maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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