Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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