Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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