The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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