party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
