two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
