It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
