having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
