some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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