I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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