so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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