my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
