Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
