After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
