dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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