You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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