Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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