He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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