Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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