I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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