Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
