Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
