That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
