i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
