You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
