Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
