I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
