so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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