my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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