That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
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Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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