so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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