im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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