We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
