i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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