Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
