apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
