I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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